it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
