i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
