I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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