Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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