i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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