I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
