At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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