To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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