she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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