imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
