Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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