so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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