You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
