if i can run in heels then i can drive
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I came so hard my ears popped.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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