Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
