fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
