And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
