no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
