Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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