Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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