Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
