the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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