Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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