Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
last night I used snow as a chaser
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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