Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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