I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
