Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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