On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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