yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
