Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
