this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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