I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
