My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
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He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
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Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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