Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
