If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
