Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
