went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
