Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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