Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it glows. i had to have it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
