I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
