I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
