I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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