Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
