have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
