I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
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Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
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i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.