i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.