i don't like sucking hair
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
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Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
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you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.