so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
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He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
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I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window