Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
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i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
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I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.