never play flip cup with pint glasses
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH