Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water