At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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