My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
