i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
