im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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