we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
