i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
