i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
