So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
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Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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