youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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