I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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