When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
