My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
