The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
